I got the following joke from a friend of mine:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high
school diploma to fix one. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a
form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with
the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their
repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the
next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints Submitted by UPS
pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)
by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident. Read the gripe sheet below....the humor is priceless...!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And I saved the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

A friend sent me a collection of jokes guaranteed to offend just about everyone.
Although they are a little offensive, they are also pretty funny.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan



What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.



What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag



Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.



What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts?



Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any



What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.



What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.



What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs



What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes



What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.



Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.



What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you



What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.



Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.



What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.



What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"



Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.



Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas ?
Everyone has the same DNA.



Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.



Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."



Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.



Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.



Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong



What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.



What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.



What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".



How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!



Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides



AND...LAST BUT NOT LEAST



What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit

Well, it appears that I may have won my battle with Comcast, although I will hold off on an official victory claim once I see it in writing. Back in August 07, Comcast started upgrading their network “to serve you better”. Lo and behold, one side effect was that my internet service dropped out a bunch of times in September and October. After brushing off the first few times, I called in early October to complain. Then later in mid October I called twice again, getting recorded messages saying they were having problems in my area. I called again late October, and the rep agreed to give me a $15 credit. Not a lot, but I figured something was at least an honest attempt to acknowledge their screwups.

Well, by December, still no credit, so I called and complained and the rep I talked to then bumped up credit to $20. He said they didn’t have a record of my late October call, only one early October call.
Last weekend, still no credit had appeared. So I called again, and was told the credit was denied.
Yes, “those bastards” is exactly what I was thinking.

So I complained by email, and got a response from Comcast saying they had no record of anything other than two calls to Comcast and since they couldn’t access their records to see if they had outages in September and October, they were denying my claim again. I couldn’t believe it. I guess the corporate policy is to deny everything, and destroy any evidence of their past mistakes. I would switch if I had a better option, but at this time I don’t. So I sent another more angry email back, and finally got a credit approved. It just blows my mind how badly they treat their customers. On the other hand, if you have a monopoly or duopoly, you can afford to tell everyone to take a hike.

Then Sunday evening I was reading about Kate Hanni, who was stuck on a plane on the tarmac for 9 hours in Austin in 2006. American Airlines saved its gates for regularly scheduled planes, and denied Flight 1348 access to any gate. The event only ended because the pilot decided to take the plane to an empty gate without permission. I’m sure American chewed his ass for that. I remember about other similar events back east. It just amazes me that common human courtesy and decency is absent in the upper echelons of many corporations.

Ms. Hanni started a non profit group called "flyers rights".
Link is below:
FlyersRights

David Castelveter, chief spokesman for the airline industry lobby, says Hanni should not be the focus. “It’s about the issue. You can’t legislate customer service”.

Well, Mr Castelveter, you can legislate customer service. If your corporations treated people decently, there would be no push for legislation. If someone were to walk into a store and hold everyone at gunpoint for 9 hours, they would be arrested and go to jail. So I see no reason why we shouldn’t do the same with airline management. I would like to see legislation imposing large fiscal penalties, or jail time, for detaining passengers beyond a reasonable time (say 1 or 2 hours at the most). Given the large amounts of money that will go to legislators, I won’t hold my breath. But it would be nice in a perfect world. I think jail would be the perfect spot for some of these CEO’s. I would also wager that the threat of jail time would do wonders in focusing their company’s efforts on improving customer service.

Anyway, that's it. Feels good to get that off my chest. Praise the blogs and pass the rum......

Watched 60 Minutes tonight. The first story was a shocker, all about Bayer's drug Trasylol, given in operating rooms to control bleeding. After it had been on the market for 10 to 15 years, one group in SF (yeah!) completed a study showing significant drawbacks to the drug, including much higher chance of kidney failure and death.

The study was given to an FDA committee, where Bayer did not disclose they had data from a study that confirmed the problems. The committee did not pull the drug from the market. A week later the author of the 2nd study went to the FDA to blow the whistle on Bayer. Yet the committee only issued another warning, the drug was not pulled from the market until 2 years later, after an additional 22,000 deaths.

Given the fact that the Bush administration oversees the FDA, I cannot believe that delays like this are due to the coziness of the administration with corporate america. What happened in this case is shocking, and I hope Bayer gets taken to the cleaners in court. Especially since they knew about kidney problems back in the 80's or 90's when a European researcher went to them with data.

I am posting the link below, I really encourage everyone to read the entire show transcript:

60 Minutes

Leah Garcik (San Francisco Chronicle) had three columns this week devoted to quotes people have overheard, related to love. I updated this list tonight (Valentine's Day). Some of the best below:

“I get attractive.....after six drinks”
“I need to find a boyfriend because I need to argue with someone”
“I’m looking for a green man: high productivity and zero emissions”

“Every new boyfriend makes you get rid of the things the last boyfriend made you buy”
“Yes, I told him I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend. I mean I live in San Francisco, don’t I?”
“I’m glad you asked. Yes, I was once charged with attempted murder.” (couple on first date)

“Even my hips hurt the next day”
“I had to get a king size bed. I’m dating a couple.”
“He’s so cheap, he could have gasoline dripping from his nipples and he still wouldn’t drive his car across the bay to see me.”

“And then I saw he had an aol.com email address, and that pretty much settled that.”
“Dude, you can’t give wine in a box to chicks.”
“Well if she can’t even say no to her siblings, how is she ever going to reject some jerk who has sex with cows?”

“Tell him if he says anything about last night, I’m never sleeping with his girlfriend again.” (said by a woman)
“My girlfriend is Russian, so does that mean it’s OK to cheat on her?”
“I never lie to you! I almost always tell the truth.”

"If I were a vegetarian, I'd brag about it. I'd probably get laid a lot more often."
"I don't have a relationship with a man, so I decided to have a relationship with my hair."
"He wants to have kids, so he's going hetero."

"It's not promiscuity, just an honest need for freedom."
"He was cheating on me with his fiancee!"
"Remember when the tree fell on that woman? That ruined that date."

"It's not that I don't like you. I'm just bored."
"She and I were going to break up a year ago. But there are dogs involved."
"Don't you ever - ever - buy me a steering wheel for christmas. You'll be wearing it." (Woman to a man)